kingcumsalot

I die a little

kingcumsalot:

I don’t know why I still get those mini heart attacks when I see pics of you or anything that reminds me of you since we’re friends now and I can just visit you whenever I want. We cuddle and give each others kisses when we’re alone, we tell each other’s demons to make both of us feel better. Hufff I still don’t know why I still get small heart attacks when stuff reminds me of you:(

I think I know why now… It’s because I know deep down inside that we will never be together and you’re not mine anymore.

I die a little

I don’t know why I still get those mini heart attacks when I see pics of you or anything that reminds me of you since we’re friends now and I can just visit you whenever I want. We cuddle and give each others kisses when we’re alone, we tell each other’s demons to make both of us feel better. Hufff I still don’t know why I still get small heart attacks when stuff reminds me of you:(

kingcumsalot
kingcumsalot:

I fell in love with this named Brian a few months back. I love him so much more than anyone in my life even though he treated me like the shittiest person in the whole world but he always made me few loved in some point. Until My birthday… When he broke up with me because he found someone better. Well right now I’m friends with him because he’s been battling depression and suicidal tendency, I know he deserves every bit of pain but I loved him to much to see him that way. So I always try my best to cheer him up and distract him from it even though it kills me inside just being with him. It’s torture just being beside him in bed or just is in the car. I don’t why I’m feeling this way, I don understand why it hurts so much just being with him but I do know is I just want him to be happy. I see him almost 3 times a week, we hang out eat dinner or lunch together, sometimes cuddle when he’s depress in bed. Gahd it’s a fucking torture machine but in the same time I like being with him. I hate it how sometimes when he does stuff that reminds me why I fell in love with him. But I know he will never love me not he will ever change… It’s just weird… 
I don’t know if I love him or I’m still in love with him. 

I wish I can just love myself enough and walk out of this friendship it would be so much easier and I might be happier but something brings me back to him.

I’m dating guys so much better than him. CEO of big company, younger guys, sweeter guys, good looking guys but I always put him as my priority and it kills me inside why I’m doing this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 

I guess like what I always say to my friends. “You don’t love yourself enough to deserve the love you truly deserve” . I hope somehow life gives me the answer and the strength to walk away from this.

I don’t think Brian  really loved me, yeah I was just someone he used because he was lonely or because I had a car or I was just convenient or I boosted his ego. I just can’t believe how easy it is for him to be friends with me. Even though we broke up and we’re friends still feel like he’s still kinda doing this to me. It sucks a lot… Even after everything I’m still a slave for him.

kingcumsalot:

I fell in love with this named Brian a few months back. I love him so much more than anyone in my life even though he treated me like the shittiest person in the whole world but he always made me few loved in some point. Until My birthday… When he broke up with me because he found someone better. Well right now I’m friends with him because he’s been battling depression and suicidal tendency, I know he deserves every bit of pain but I loved him to much to see him that way. So I always try my best to cheer him up and distract him from it even though it kills me inside just being with him. It’s torture just being beside him in bed or just is in the car. I don’t why I’m feeling this way, I don understand why it hurts so much just being with him but I do know is I just want him to be happy. I see him almost 3 times a week, we hang out eat dinner or lunch together, sometimes cuddle when he’s depress in bed. Gahd it’s a fucking torture machine but in the same time I like being with him. I hate it how sometimes when he does stuff that reminds me why I fell in love with him. But I know he will never love me not he will ever change… It’s just weird…
I don’t know if I love him or I’m still in love with him.

I wish I can just love myself enough and walk out of this friendship it would be so much easier and I might be happier but something brings me back to him.

I’m dating guys so much better than him. CEO of big company, younger guys, sweeter guys, good looking guys but I always put him as my priority and it kills me inside why I’m doing this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I guess like what I always say to my friends. “You don’t love yourself enough to deserve the love you truly deserve” . I hope somehow life gives me the answer and the strength to walk away from this.

I don’t think Brian really loved me, yeah I was just someone he used because he was lonely or because I had a car or I was just convenient or I boosted his ego. I just can’t believe how easy it is for him to be friends with me. Even though we broke up and we’re friends still feel like he’s still kinda doing this to me. It sucks a lot… Even after everything I’m still a slave for him.

diary-of-a-troubled-kid
pleasedontleadmeon:

This is My battle scar… 
Well When i was 17 I woke 3:00 in the morning with pain in my left balls. It was so painful that i couldn’t even shout. I wanted to shout so badly but I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk at all too, so i had to crawl from my room to my parents room in pain. It took me more than 20mins to reach the door of their room. I was int the floor knocking on their door. They were alarmed that i was on the floor moaning in pain. They immediately rushed me to the ER but along the way i was being scolded for not wearing a supporter when I’m jogging because they suspect it’s hernia, It’s not enough that I’m in pain that they have to nag and shit. Anyways, I was rushed to the nearwest hospital in my town. The hospital was luckily a medium class one but they didnt have enough doctors and non of the doctors that was their specialized on Testis. So none off them could help me! They started to put pain killers but it wasn’t working since the pain was too strong. I was in the ER for more the 6 hours in an agonizing in pain. They had to call a doctor from a different hospital that could examine me. How was the pain you ask? Let’s say it hurts more than giving birth( Scientifically proven) and it felt like Someone was squeezing and twisting my balls for hours not in a weird sexual way. Anyways, lets go back to me in Pain. I passed out in pain. I woke up the doctor that specializes on testis, Told my parents that it wasn’t Hernia, It was TESTICULAR TORTION! What is testicular tortion you ask? In the middle of the night while you’re sleeping one of your balls would decide to twist with to apparent reason:) The only way to untwist it is to have surgery within 9 hours or your balls would die. The possibility of having this is  1 out of 4000 MEN! SERIOUSLY WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE 1!!! Anyways back to the story, When i found out what it was I started to cry becasue It’s already been 12 hours . I was at the x-ray thing since they had to xray my balls to see how twisted it is before having surgery. While they were doing this I was crying and I was telling my mom that i didn’t want to lose my balls! Anyways, The twist wasn’t completely 360 degrees! That mean my balls were safe since it’s already passed the 9 hour rule! So i was rushed to the Operating room, Yes I was still in pain. I waited for awhile at the recovery room before the put me on the operating table. Finally, they brought me to the operating room. they lay me donw on the table. I watched the nurses go around the room checking stuff and doing stuff, to tell you quite frankly I was so in so much pain that I didn’t give a damn what they were doing. Finally the Anesthesiologist came in and plug some shit on my IV. Then he told me to lay on my stomach. At this moment i was so scared…. going into deep sleep for surgery… So many shit was coming up in my head! I was so scared what if I DON’T WAKE UP ANYMORE OR I WAKE UP PARALIZED OR SOMETHING! but i was still calm despite the PAIN. So I was laying on my stomach and the doctor said, to count from 1-10 backwards so i did. THEN THE MOTHER FUCKER SHOVED A HUGE AS NEEDLE AT MY BACK I COULD FEEL IT ON MY SPINE THEN I GAVE THIS LOUD SHOUT AND EVERYTHING BLACKED OUT! I Woke up in the recovery room. I opened my eyes and no one was there! I started to cry because I could move my body. I was telling myself ” OH GOD, OH GOD, I’m PARALIZED” THEN I fell back into sleep. I woke up to a nurse taking the hose thingy connected to my penis that collects pee. She told me that the operation was a success and I’ll be alright. BTW, My left ball was as big ass hamster man! 
MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!

pleasedontleadmeon:

This is My battle scar… 

Well When i was 17 I woke 3:00 in the morning with pain in my left balls. It was so painful that i couldn’t even shout. I wanted to shout so badly but I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk at all too, so i had to crawl from my room to my parents room in pain. It took me more than 20mins to reach the door of their room. I was int the floor knocking on their door. They were alarmed that i was on the floor moaning in pain. They immediately rushed me to the ER but along the way i was being scolded for not wearing a supporter when I’m jogging because they suspect it’s hernia, It’s not enough that I’m in pain that they have to nag and shit. Anyways, I was rushed to the nearwest hospital in my town. The hospital was luckily a medium class one but they didnt have enough doctors and non of the doctors that was their specialized on Testis. So none off them could help me! They started to put pain killers but it wasn’t working since the pain was too strong. I was in the ER for more the 6 hours in an agonizing in pain. They had to call a doctor from a different hospital that could examine me. How was the pain you ask? Let’s say it hurts more than giving birth( Scientifically proven) and it felt like Someone was squeezing and twisting my balls for hours not in a weird sexual way. Anyways, lets go back to me in Pain. I passed out in pain. I woke up the doctor that specializes on testis, Told my parents that it wasn’t Hernia, It was TESTICULAR TORTION! What is testicular tortion you ask? In the middle of the night while you’re sleeping one of your balls would decide to twist with to apparent reason:) The only way to untwist it is to have surgery within 9 hours or your balls would die. The possibility of having this is  1 out of 4000 MEN! SERIOUSLY WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE 1!!! Anyways back to the story, When i found out what it was I started to cry becasue It’s already been 12 hours . I was at the x-ray thing since they had to xray my balls to see how twisted it is before having surgery. While they were doing this I was crying and I was telling my mom that i didn’t want to lose my balls! Anyways, The twist wasn’t completely 360 degrees! That mean my balls were safe since it’s already passed the 9 hour rule! So i was rushed to the Operating room, Yes I was still in pain. I waited for awhile at the recovery room before the put me on the operating table. Finally, they brought me to the operating room. they lay me donw on the table. I watched the nurses go around the room checking stuff and doing stuff, to tell you quite frankly I was so in so much pain that I didn’t give a damn what they were doing. Finally the Anesthesiologist came in and plug some shit on my IV. Then he told me to lay on my stomach. At this moment i was so scared…. going into deep sleep for surgery… So many shit was coming up in my head! I was so scared what if I DON’T WAKE UP ANYMORE OR I WAKE UP PARALIZED OR SOMETHING! but i was still calm despite the PAIN. So I was laying on my stomach and the doctor said, to count from 1-10 backwards so i did. THEN THE MOTHER FUCKER SHOVED A HUGE AS NEEDLE AT MY BACK I COULD FEEL IT ON MY SPINE THEN I GAVE THIS LOUD SHOUT AND EVERYTHING BLACKED OUT! I Woke up in the recovery room. I opened my eyes and no one was there! I started to cry because I could move my body. I was telling myself ” OH GOD, OH GOD, I’m PARALIZED” THEN I fell back into sleep. I woke up to a nurse taking the hose thingy connected to my penis that collects pee. She told me that the operation was a success and I’ll be alright. BTW, My left ball was as big ass hamster man! 

MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!